3.09.2015

Fed Up and Loathful in Laughlin

If you have ever wondered to yourself 'Should I make a visit to Laughlin, Nevada?' I am here to inform you of why you should not bother.

1. There are old people...everywhere!
Old bats, old crows, old hens, and old husbands who have been pecked into submission. For clarification's sake, 'old' means age 65 and beyond; and if they are not 65, they most certainly act as entitled as anyone over the age of 65. Gag me with an AARP card.

2. There are fat people...everywhere!
Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, and not the good fat either. Yeah, I know, get mad at me for saying the politically incorrect 'F' word; go eat a cheeseburger to comfort yourself, you'll feel better. 

So, what's the good fat? Well, if you can manage to walk without waddling to and fro like an overweight duck, I call that good fat, but I'm no expert. I'm just an annoyed active person with a very capable body who is tired of being restrained from movement by other people's girth, which leads to my next point.

3. There are slow people...everywhere!
I thought Disneyland was bad enough the one time I went, having to negotiate through stroller hell. Well, Laughlin is scooter hell, combined with slow waddlers and gawkers looking about in a daze as they figure out which smoke-filled casino to waste their lives and money in next. Color me not impressed.

4. The smell of cigarette smoke...everywhere!
I understand a hotel or a casino will say they are 'non-smoking,' but that is only after having been a smoking establishment for enough years that the smell is now a permanent fixture in the building. I feel like I have regressed in time as I duck through clouds of smoke in the casinos and rush through to get to my second-hand-smoke-smelling room...the room with someone else's hair stuck to the bathroom sink. Gross me out to the max.

5. No posted escape routes...anywhere!
For my own sense of security I like knowing where stairways are located so I can get out of a building should an emergency happen. As well, if you sit through enough lawsuits you start to notice lawsuits waiting to happen everywhere you turn. 

For example, when a bank of elevators on the 16th floor of a high-rise casino hotel has a sign that states to use the stairway in case of fire and yet there is no map or signage indicating where to find the stairway, I can't help but wonder what tragedy will befall people to make the management (and their lawyers) understand the importance of letting people know where to find the stairway.

All it takes is just one incident where people can't get out and you have a sensationally sad news story that possibly could have been prevented had people known how to get out. But, then again, would the waddlers even make it down the stairs if they knew where they were? Futility at its finest.

6. ADA-compliant Rooms That Hinder Handicapped People!
If a door to a hotel room is so heavy that it cannot stay open on its own, how in the world is a person in a wheelchair (who the room was intended for) supposed to get in and out of the room without the door falling on them? 

Even with my strength, if both of my arms are pushing a wheelchair, how am I supposed to get the door to stay open without it hitting the person in the wheelchair? Granted, I get it done because my will always finds a way, but it does not rest well with me that these are the conditions many people with limited mobility find themselves in. 

This is not to say there needs to be a law. This is to say that individuals must exercise their right to be responsible, by being aware and recognizing such hazards so as to figure out solutions independently, since management is only ever willing and/or able to do so much. My solution? Pack a small door stop next time. Knowing is half the battle; the other half is being prepared.
 
7. Everything is Depressing!
Granted, it may not be depressing to everyone who visits Laughlin, but this place does not make me happy, because all I see are signs of a failing system and a fearful future that I do not want any part of.

I do not want to settle for finding joy by sitting in stinky casinos where people's guts reach the machines before their arms do. I do not want to wear bedazzled shirts with matching hats. I do not want to look like a sun-weathered prune. I do not want to waddle. I do not want insurance plans to run my life. I do not want a future if it means submitting to the Laughlin epidemic. 

Looks like I've got my work cut out for me!


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