It's Gozer's Birthday: What to Know About Living with a 12-year-old Cat

O Gozer! my Gozer! 

To commemorate Gozer's 12th birthday today, and for being the oldest cat I've ever had, I compiled a list of 12 observances about living with a 12-year-old cat, particularly a Gozerian.

1. Cats get more awesome with age. Gozer hasn't lost one ounce of his felinality that has always made him him. In fact, his felinality has only grown stronger with age, making him the most awesome Gozer in the house.

2. Cats get louder with age. I'm not sure if it's only a Gozer thing, but he has a tendency to use his outdoor voice indoors, repeatedly and unnecessarily, at 3:00 in the morning, next to our heads.

3. Cats get more demanding with age. Again, maybe it's only a Gozer thing, but with his increasing volume he has added a strong tone of demand to his meows when his incessant meowing goes unnoticed. Cats these days.

4. Cats are always kittens at heart. At the age 12, which is 4 years older than what a senior cat is considered to be (8 years old by my reading anyway), Gozer still has kitten-like enjoyment and curiosity when he roams around the yard, plays with his toys, or sniffs out a box that soon becomes his new temporary shelter.
5. Cats are bed hogs. The older a cat gets, the bigger it gets. And when a cat lays perpendicular to everyone else in the bed, that cat takes 'bed hog' to a whole new level that I call 'catspreading.' It's a good thing Gozer's so cute when he's hogs the bed.

6. Cats are alarms, not alarm clocks. Cats do not necessarily care about the time its humans need to get up; therefore, they are not alarm clocks. On the contrary, what a cat does care about is alarming its humans with loud meows at any time it chooses, day or night, to make sure the humans know that the cat is awake and ready to have its demands met.

7. Cats have a limited vocabulary. While I have tried repeatedly over the years to teach Gozer words beyond 'meow' that could help him convey his messages better so his humans will understand him, he has not taken to my suggestions, not at all. Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help.

8. Cats can say one word in many ways. Even though 'meow' is the beginning and end of Gozer's vocabulary, he has not let that limitation hold him back from mastering a range of tonal inflections that reflect his many wants and moods; from 'Feed me NOW,' to 'I didn't mean it,' to 'Fuck that, I'm a cat,' he has learned to communicate it all with one word. It's as if he's a god or something.
9. Cats are gods and they know it. All that cats want is for humans to recognize their godly status. Is that so much to ask? Okay; so, maybe cats are gods who can't open doors to let themselves out, or open their own cat food, or clean their own litter box. However, since cats can get humans to do the dirty work for them, that only proves their godliness. Touché, Gozer.

10. Cats nap, period. What's good for the Gozer is good for the Gozer worshipers, and that includes two 10-hour naps a day. 

11. Cats steal hearts and seats. It doesn't matter if you call 'dibs,' a cat will take your seat without apology the second you stand up, and they get better with age. Now that he is 12, Gozer has become such an expert seat thief that he will steal my seat before I even sit down. What a cat.

12. Cats make every day Caturday. When Gozer chose us as his humans all those years ago, I never imagined he would be with us 12 years later, nor all the joy that he would add to every day life with his felinality that only a Gozerian such as he can possess. 

Happy Birthday, Gozer!

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Where Have All the Housewives Gone?

Double standards: Ah, what would life be without them? 

Less confusing, that's what. 

For starters, and in light of the recent yearly anniversary of International Women's Day, why is it that I am supposed to be impressed by women who do what men do? Why should that, in and of itself, impress me? 

In other words, aren't those women just copying men if they are doing what they see men do, thereby blindly following men's examples? Why should that automatically be seen as rational thought or intelligent, if all that is being done is copying another without applying one's own thinking? 

For Gozer's sake, if all the men in the world jumped off a bridge, would women prove themselves as equals by doing that, too? Is that what women mean when they talk about being liberated and equal to man -- following without thinking? I highly suspect, based on the evidence I've seen, that that is the case for some.

And yet, if a woman does something that a man cannot do, or even other women cannot do, such as carrying life and giving birth, it is not necessarily seen by liberated women as a good thing; unless perhaps it is done as a career move, either for the sake of business or societal standing. 

I mean, is there any woman with a career and a healthy 401(k) or pension who doesn't foam at the mouth over Michelle Duggar for doing what a woman with a career can't seem to do -- be a mom and happily enjoy it in spite of its imperfections without whining about it to others? 
My own empirical evidence is in all the testimony of housewives I took down on the record, who often stated that they were 'just' a housewife when describing what they do. 'Just.' You know, 'just'; as in, they just raise human beings that will contribute to the makeup of society and the world in general after conceiving, carrying, and pushing new life out of their bodies. You know, nothing miraculous or important; just a housewife. Is my sarcasm coming through yet? 

The thing is, where do they get the mentality that what they do is not important: maybe their husbands, maybe their friends, or maybe modern society's message that a working woman is the only kind of woman to be?

Is this what women's lib has created: Disgust from women, by women, and for women for what is their inherent role as females -- to be caring, nurturing humans who don't have to conquer the world with a pantsuit and a college degree? 

Simply imagine how much the world changes for a baby every time its diaper gets changed by someone who loves it. Sure, it's not saving the world from evil, yet it is monumentally pivotal in a baby's world. Or imagine how much better it makes the world for a man when he comes home to a clean castle and a caring companion; but I digress.
I don't know where specifically this modern mentality comes from, so I only speculate based on my observations of the world around me as I have experienced it. Considering I wasn't raised before women's lib, I thereby deduce that the women's liberation movement and its fallout may be a contributing factor to the current state of affairs.

Perhaps being born in post-women's lib America has created all of my confusion, for I do not know from experience what it is like to live not being viewed as man's equal, at least in the eyes of the law. And perhaps that is why I am questioning it now after having the double standard shoved into my head my whole life; that I should do what men do because they are men and I am not; thus, I must do what they do, on top of doing what they can't do. 

Wait. Wouldn't that mean women's lib essentially doubled the workload for women, not to mention the standards? Pardon me for not celebrating the victory I do not see.

I mean, I can understand the victory of getting to work until the mandated age of retirement, and paying taxes for the honor of working for someone else, and paying more taxes by working for myself, and handing my theoretical kid off to strangers to raise while I get taxed for working, plus getting to do it all while my uterus sheds life and provides debilitating cramps every month. 

Actually, maybe I don't understand the victory and someone should explain it to me. 

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