3.08.2017

Bathroom Etiquette for Everyone (But Mostly Ladies)

Five days a week, for the past year and a half, I clean anywhere from 3 to 7 bathrooms each day, both public and private. Foundation

Although it is not the most glamorous line of work, it is very educational, which means I learn while being paid to clean; and who better to share my learning with than my readers, and the world at large, who more likely than not use bathrooms? Indeed! 

Thus, here is my bathroom etiquette rant with a few of my personal observations and tips to keep in mind when using a bathroom in public (or anywhere). People who are ill, physically impaired, or over the age of 70 do not apply; however, if you are able-bodied and only have complacent mediocre laziness and ignorance to contend with, my bathroom rant is for you ~ Enjoy!

For starters -- YOU ARE IN PUBLIC! 

1. You are not in your home, so don't get comfortable and act as if you are. In other words: Get out of your p.j. pants (people over 18), cover your butt crack, use a belt, put on shoes (not slippers or bare feet), wear clothes that fit, and dress with respect for yourself when you enter the public scene. 

Why does dress attire matter?

2. Because: 'The only etiquette you find in bathrooms is the etiquette you bring with you,' which means if you walk into a bathroom like a slob without respect for anything, you will treat the bathroom like a slob and leave it like a slob. DON'T BE A SLOB. Dress with respect for yourself and thereby respect the bathroom; because a person who does not respect their own self cannot respect the bathroom (or much else).

Bathroom etiquette begins with the user; not the bathroom.

3. When you approach a toilet, how do you want to find it? With wet drops of who-knows-what on the seat you're going to sit on? With toilet paper on the seat; or the safety paper halfway in the toilet and halfway clinging to the seat, saturated in moisture? With no toilet paper on the roll when there is stock available for replacing? In other words, how much do you want to clean up after someone else when you need to use a toilet; and how much do you like it?

FYI, I do not use or clean urinals; I can only address toilets.

So, if you don't want to find all those things waiting for you, then why would you leave those things waiting for the next person; just because someone left it for you? That is ignorance, and, ladies, I am talking to you! You cannot escape your inferior pig-like behaviors from me because I am one of you and I have seen it come from you, along with myself at times (shame on me!). Stop it; be a woman, not a pig; plus, you're in America (at least I am), so be a first-world American with hygienic etiquette, not a third-world transient who doesn't know any better.

Pigs leave their mess for others; are you a pig?

4. If you do not enjoy cleaning up after a stranger's bathroom experience, then consider paying it forward and cleaning up after yourself when you are done. Here is how: wipe the toilet seat down with toilet paper or paper towels to remove any moisture left behind; make sure any toilet paper or safety paper is completely in the toilet, again wiping the seat as needed, and give it another flush so the toilet is empty for the next person; if the toilet paper roll is empty and stock is available, change it...because there is no Roomba for changing the toilet paper, only humans can do it. You are human, you can do it! 

Granted, if you are a pig and like leaving the bathroom looking like a sty, you won't be able to change the toilet paper roll because pigs don't have opposable thumbs or consideration for others; therefore, the public is not the place for you and you are better off staying home to wallow in your pigdome. 

Pardon me for raising the bar on American standards of etiquette, but I am done lowering myself. Are you?


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