12.21.2014

Thrifty Gifting: Library Goodies with Poetry

Pop quiz, hot shot: It's the holidays, you have no money, shopping is not an option, a move is being planned, and the last thing you want is more crap in the house to pack up, but you still want to give someone a gift they really want and deserve for being an awesome uber-friend. What do you do? What do you do?

A: You make like Eve and go to the library. 


How I made an unforgettable gift with help from the library:
  • I reserved 10 items specifically selected for the gift-receiving uber-friend.
  • I penned a sufficient amount of lyrical prose to describe the gift.
  • I printed the itemized list and prose on a standard-size sheet of white copy paper.
  • I gave the paper a decorative trim with Fiskars paper edgers.
    • Caveat Crafter: Cheaper brands do not work as well as Fiskars.
  • I folded the paper neatly and sealed it with a sticker.
The gift was a wild success, not only because I managed to give something without bringing more crap into the house, but especially because I made sure to reserve Volume 1 of the first season of Breaking Bad. We had not seen any of the shows at that point and it had recently ended its run on air, so our curiosity had finally bested us and we wanted to watch it from the beginning. Renting or buying the series was not an option, so that is when I checked to see what the local library had in their online catalog. Wouldn't you know it, they had the entire series available on DVD. Now I was cooking. Once I made this discovery it was on like Donkey Kong and my thrifty gifting idea of library goodies fell into place from there.

Thanks to this gift of library goodies, we eventually worked our way through the entire series of Breaking Bad for less than $5, due to a couple late charges. It took us a few months to get through the series; I would reserve a DVD each time we finished one, since the series has to be watched in order. The first DVD took the longest to arrive, but after that the waiting lists got shorter. Since all the DVDs contained three to five episodes, it was always a mini-marathon when a new disc arrived. Sometimes we would go a few days waiting for the next DVD, but the break gave us time to speculate as to what could happen next in Walter White's world. Plus, the library was a 1-mile walk away so it didn't take anything but my bipedal abilities to get me there. Overall, a super successful thrifty gift that has my uber-friend and I eagerly awaiting the premiere of the follow-up prequel Better Call Saul.

Library Goodies Caveats:
  • Do not borrow anything that you cannot take responsibility for. Libraries may be open to everyone, but as a frequent user I can attest to the fact that not everyone knows how to use a library or how to take care of library items. Please learn what your responsibilities are from your local library before borrowing.
  • Library goodies require a modicum of supervision to ensure that the items are not lost or damaged. I gifted library goodies to an adult housemate, so the items did not leave my residence and I had supervision over them; I picked up and returned all items myself without passing the work on to my friend (FYI, errands are not gifts). If the library goodies will not be with you, or if the receiver is not responsible enough to properly take care of the library goodies, or if you have to pass the work on to someone else who will not ensure proper oversight of the library goodies, the gift may not work in your favor and may cost you money in the end.

Library Goodies Benefits:
  • Low maintenance: no unnecessary wrapping.
  • Minimalism: no excessive clutter after the holidays.
  • Little to no cost: so long as the items are not lost, damaged, or returned excessively late.
  • Want not, waste not: no throwing away of anything that is unwanted or has short-lived appeal since it all gets returned to the library.
  • Convenience: reserve library goodies any time online, while in your pajamas, naked, or even in the bathroom (library participation may vary). 
  • The gift that keeps giving: when one item is returned, reserve another item as a surprise to keep gifts coming all year.
  • Test run: find out if an item is worth purchasing by checking it out first.
  • Personal development: use creativity, ingenuity, and originality in selecting and presenting the gift.
  • Resourcefulness: utilize what you already pay for through taxation. 
Thrifty Gifting: Library Goodies with Poetry by Eve Penman
Merry Christmas from Eve Penman
I selected these items just for you and I hope you find that they will do.
Try them all out and see what you think; there's nothing to wrap and nothing to keep.
I'll pick them up and deliver them to you, and then I'll return them so they aren't overdue.
Should you want something longer than a few weeks, you'll have to buy it yourself because I'm too damn cheap.

What's your thrifty gifting idea?
Share it in a comment.

Thank you for reading.


Library Resources:

Get Eve In Your Feeds:

12.20.2014

Winter Rage: A Light for the Darkness

Rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas

Please enjoy my color-infused photographs captioned with song lyrics.
(YouTube links included)
Rage on.
There's a dark and a troubled side of life,
but there's a bright and a sunny side, too.
Keep On The Sunny Side
There's a light in the darkness of everybody's life.
Rocky Horror Picture Show

Now I have traded the dark for the light.
I Saw The Light
Better get ready, gonna see the light.
Crystal Blue Persuasion
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
Bridge Over Troubled Water
The breeze is so busy it don't miss a tree,
and the old weepin' willer is laughin' at me.
Oklahoma!
I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining, because I'm free.
Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
If life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten,
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
Life of Brian
6 Practical and Powerful Ways to Overcome Depression
ZenHabits


May the winter solstice bring with it the return of much sunlight!

Thank you for reading.

Get Eve In Your Feeds:

12.05.2014

I Wanna Sax You Up: Christmas Sax

Twas the Night of Christmas Sax (A Visit from Kenny G)
by Eve Penman

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
a creature was heard stirring and it was my spouse.
A new sax had been placed by the chimney with care,
but he couldn’t resist once it was there.

He forgot about the time, people asleep in beds,
so he picked up the sax and he started to tread.
He crossed over the floor, to a chair where he sat,
then he started to finger this pretty new sax.

 
When out in the street there arose such a clatter,
he sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like the Flash,
he gazed through the shutters still holding his sax.

 
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
reflected through the window and up to his ‘phone.
When what to his wondering eyes did appear,
but…Kenny G…and eight sax-playing reindeer.

 
With a curl in the hair, so bouncy and blithe,
my spouse stopped to wonder if he could be high.
As smooth as syrup the reindeer did play,
each fingering its sax as Kenny proclaimed:

 
"Blow, Dasher! Blow, Dancer! Blow, Prancer! Blow, Vixen!
Blow, Comet! Blow, Cupid! Blow, Donner! Blow, Blitzen!
To the top of the porch and to the top of the wall!
The glory of Christmas Sax must be heard by all!"


As dry reeds that before a wild solo are applied,
when they meet with a saxist the spit doth fly.
So up to the rooftop the sounds of Christmas Sax flew,
with the reindeer blowing hard, and Kenny G too.

 
And then, in a measure, there was on the roof
the prancing and pawing of little saxist hooves.
As my spouse scratched his head he sat back down,
when Kenny G came down in a melodic bound.

 
He was dressed in Alpaca fur, from his curls to his feet;
his clothes were untarnished and he even had pleats.
With his sloth named Murph hanging across his back,
Kenny G turned and said: Let’s make some Christmas Sax.

 
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, so merry!
His curls were like a phone cord from the 20th Century!
His pert little mouth gave a blissful blow,
while the reindeer played outside, enjoying sax in the snow.

 
Kenny blew hard and he felt it in his feet;
all this Christmas sax made him want to eat.
He felt the hunger rumble in his empty belly;
he salivated for a sandwich from the deli.

 
Still, Kenny blew on, in spite of his own self,
but my spouse knew that look and erected himself.
With a wink of his eye and a cock of his head,
he took to the kitchen to get Kenny G fed.

 
He spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
he made Kenny a sandwich; then he turned with a jerk.
Kenny was there and they stood nose to nose,
then Kenny snatched the sandwich and did a selfie pose!

 
As he danced across the floor he tweeted his post-sax pic,
then away they all blew, the Christmas Sax over so quick.
But he was heard exclaiming as he disappeared from sight,
"Christmas Sax to all, and to all a good night!"

Thank you for reading.

Get Eve In Your Feeds:
 
Get Saxed Up:
Buy the album:
Get saxy with Kenny G this Christmas


For the saxists:
Big Book of Christmas Songs for Alto Sax


Sax it up for Santa:
An Erotic Sax Christmas
(Sexy Holiday Favorites on Saxaphone)



12.04.2014

Q: Is There Something Worse Than a Racist?

A: Yes, there is.  

I present Exhibits 1 through 25, researched and compiled from Dictionary.com:
  1. Ape:  An imitator; mimic.  
  2. AutomatonA person or animal that acts in a monotonous, routine manner, without active intelligence. 
  3. BigotA person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.
  4. Busybody:  A person who pries into or meddles in the affairs of others. 
  5. Buttinsky:  A person who interferes in the affairs of others; meddler. 
  6. CopycatA person or thing that copies, imitates, mimics, or follows the lead of another, as a child who says or does exactly the same as another child. 
  7. EchoA person who reflects or imitates another; any repetition or close imitation, as of the ideas or opinions of another. 
  8. FussbudgetA fussy or needlessly fault-finding person. 
  9. GossipA person who partakes in idle talk or rumors, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. 
  10. IgnoramusAn extremely ignorant person. 
  11. Imitator:  A person who follows or endeavors to follow as a model or example.
  12. InterloperA person who interferes or meddles in the affairs of others. 
  13. Intermeddler:  A person who takes part in a matter, especially officiously; meddle.
  14. MeddlerA person who involves themselves in a matter without right or invitation; a person who interferes officiously and unwantedly.
  15. MimicA person who imitates in a servile or unthinking way; ape. 
  16. MisinformerA person who gives false or misleading information.
  17. NewsmongerA person who spreads gossip or idle talk; a gossip or gossipmonger. 
  18. Nosy ParkerA nosy, overly inquisitive person. 
  19. ParrotA person who, without thought or understanding, merely repeats the words or imitates the actions of another. 
  20. Scandalmonger:  A person who spreads scandal or gossip. 
  21. ScaremongerA person who creates or spreads alarming news. 
  22. Sensationalist:  A person who uses subject matter, language, or style producing or designed to produce startling impressions, or to excite and please vulgar taste.
  23. TattletaleA talebearer or informer, especially among children. 
  24. ToolA person manipulated by another for the latter's own ends; cat's-paw. 
  25. YentaA person, especially a woman, who is a busybody or gossip.

More Words to Consider:
  1. Bigotry:  Complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
  2. PrejudiceAny preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.  
  3. RacismA belief/doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others;  
    1. Hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

Eve's Definition:
  • Racist: The first person who cries 'racist' when they disagree with what they hear.

In conclusion, I question: 
  • If racism is 'hatred or intolerance,' then who is the bigger racist: the person who says an unpopular comment, or the person who is intolerant and hateful toward the person who said the unpopular comment? 
  • What makes a statement racist; is it always the person making the statement who is racist, or is it ever the person passively hearing and (mis)interpreting what is being said who is the racist?
  • Why should it matter if someone says something unpopular when that is what freedom of speech is about; in other words, does everybody have to think the same?
  • And if a person makes a racist statement and nobody cries about it, will bears be able to shit in the woods in peace?
Got a thought? Leave a comment.
Thank you for reading.

'Masterpiece of Nonsense' from Hank Williams, Sr.:
Mind Your Own Business




12.01.2014

Fungal Inversions: A Photographic Trip Through 2015


Why You Need Eve's
 * * * * *
> Fungus Rules <
 > Original Photography <
> Educational Wonder <
> Uniquely Northwest <
> Universal Appeal <
> 2014 is History <

Visit Zazzle.com/ProseAndPix
Too drunk? 
Too stoned? 
Too naked? 
Can't leave your llama?
Twin Peaks by David Lynch
No problem.

Visit Eve's ProseAndPix Zazzle Shop
from your kitchen, bathroom, couch, bedroom,
and anywhere else technology allows.


Thank you for reading