6.15.2016

Abortion Happens: That's Life

Q: What is the difference between an abortion and a miscarriage?

A: Nothing -- they are the same thing! Well, to be fair, the medical verbiage for miscarriage is 'spontaneous abortion,' yet that only goes to the weight of my argumentative question even more, circumstantially proving that a miscarriage technically is an abortion sans planned medical procedure. 

Considering how many people cannot even say the word 'penis' when penis is the anatomically-correct medical term for that part of the body, it is no wonder that people are clueless to the medical term for 'miscarriage.' But I digress.

Now, when it comes to life inside a woman ending, what I am trying to figure out is this: Does it matter if the life that ended was due to (1) the woman choosing to get an abortion, or (2) nature choosing to give her an abortion by way of a miscarriage, or (3) a random accident such as a car wreck or a fall?

I mean, what matters most: how the life has ended, or that the life has ended? Note the difference in the questions.

I speculate for the people who have never been in the position of experiencing an abortion, spontaneous or otherwise, that it matters most to them how the life ends; possibly because those people misguidedly believe they have control over what others do and they cannot stop clinging to that belief, and therefore they must know how the life ends so that they can stop it from happening again in the future against their beliefs; or possibly some other reason unbeknownst to me. 

However, speaking only for myself, and as a female who experienced a painful and private at-home spontaneous abortion against my will on Thanksgiving Day of 2015, ten weeks into my first (and most likely last) pregnancy, I find the latter to be more significant than the former; in other words, life ending matters more than how life ends.

To put the importance on how the life ends is to say life ending is okay(!), just so long as it doesn't end in a certain way, particularly in an abortion at a human's choosing. So wouldn't that mean, then, that the life that ended via spontaneous abortion or random accident is not as important as the life that ended due to a woman choosing an abortion?

I mean, how is that not what that means when the how of the loss is more important than the loss itself???

And to think, there are people who care more about how the life ends than the life ending. I mean, the audacity of some people, you know?

Pardon my disgusted dissent from the herd of non-thinking automatons who postulate that the how is more important than the loss. I, for one, do not see it that way; maybe I will another day, but not today.

What I do see and hear is a lot of talk without thought, or experience, from people who do not necessarily understand the full depth and breadth of what they are talking about. 

For example, on the topic of punishment: If a woman who gets an abortion procedure should be punished under the law for her actions of ending life, then should I be punished, too, for having a spontaneous abortion even though I never had a say in it? 

Either way, life ended and someone must be punished for such an outrageous act of defiance from the herd; harrumph, harrumph, harrumph.

Goodness; should all women who unwillingly have miscarriages be punished?

Just because I did not elect, nor pay, for a medical procedure does not mean a procedure that brought about the same results did not happen on me by unseen forces; nor does it mean there are no feelings of self-condemnation. 

Some (not all) women who pay for abortions take no blame nor punish themselves with guilt over their choice; but at least those women know why they lost their pregnancies, because they chose to lose them. This is where miscarriage differs: choice

I was not given an option and chose the miscarriage; it chose me and I will never ever know why. A spontaneous abortion can leave a woman wondering what made things go wrong, and if it is somehow her fault due to diet, work, stress, environment, or some unknown factor that could persist into the next pregnancy and won't be discovered until another miscarriage. As if I didn't have enough mental demons vying for my attention already.

Not only that, but for those who think a woman should be arbitrarily punished for having an abortion: Isn't an abortion, in and of itself, punishment enough; to have life and growing matter ripped out from your insides, either by planned procedure or natural forces? Obviously not to a man who has never experienced the sensation. Am I right or am I right, ladies? (Gotta keep the levity here, otherwise the 'pro-lifers' win.)

And that leads to another thought: If people care more about how the life ends than the life ending, are they really pro-life or are they just anti-abortion? I would argue that pro-life and anti-abortion are not the same things.

For example: Are any pro-lifers volunteering as grief counselors for women who have lost pregnancies and need reassurance to keep trying to bring life into this fucked-up world...or are the pro-lifers just standing around in front of abortion clinics with signs and spreading their self-righteousness on social media?

In other words: What are pro-lifers doing to promote life and promote people creating life, rather than endlessly working to stop people from doing what they want with their bodies?

And what about that: All the signs and protesters who want everyone to know how evil and wrong abortion is? Not how evil and wrong it is to choose an abortion, but abortion in and of itself being evil and wrong.

I did not have an abortion, it spontaneously had me, but technically it was an abortion, and I am still the one who has to live with it and be reminded of its evilness (not my evilness) when I see the Planned Parenthood protesters in Sequim (which, amusingly, I never would have known there was a PP here if it weren't for the protesters!).

Considering abortion as a thing that happens, rather than a choice a person makes: If abortion is so evil and wrong, then why does nature get to do it spontaneously against a woman's will?

I mean, is abortion evil and wrong when nature does it, or is it only evil and wrong when humans choose it?

As an aside, I am fully aware that miscarriages can result from the body naturally stopping a pregnancy that it knows through its senses could end badly and aborts it before it has a chance to develop further, no matter if the woman is doing everything correct; that's the unending mystery of a miscarriage.

However: If people say that it is okay for nature to be evil and wrong with a spontaneous abortion, then why is it evil and wrong when a human chooses an abortion; because aren't humans nature, too?

I mean, what if abortions are an essential part of life?

Maybe I am looking too deep into the matter, but I have outgrown the shallow end, so into the deep I will go.

Taking one more step with a different approach, I can't help but wonder: Is it evil and wrong to not get pregnant?

I mean, if it is evil and wrong to choose to abort a baby and end life, then it has to be the most super evilest and wrongest thing of all to not even create life, especially to choose not to create life(!); because how can that be pro-life...right?

Right. 

Or is it?

Does anybody know for sure what is right or wrong here? Because I don't.

So, where was I going with this line of questioning anyway? That life ending matters more than how life ends, and here is the concluding point that one must consider:

When it comes down to it at the end of the day, and you don't have the life of another that you want with you, do you really think the how will matter more than the gut-twisting reality that the life you want is not with you and never ever will be again? Think on that for more than 5 seconds.

Knowing the how never brings back the life. All the hows fade away, and matter less and less, when you are the one left without the life you want to have with you; whether the life is a baby-to-be, a parent, or any loved one. 

Not until you experience loss of life do you learn that the how of the loss, no matter its degree of relative awfulness, is a meaningless speck of nothingness compared to the vast emptiness left behind. I know the pain of crying over the how and it never hurts as much as the pain of crying over the loss. 

Had the miscarriage not happened, I would be days away from becoming a mother; but, whether for good or bad, gods work in mysterious ways and they have other plans in store for me. I guess that's life.


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6.08.2016

A Man Provides: Lessons in Manhood from Breaking Bad

A man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man.

Gus Fring knew what he was talking about when he said those words to Walter White in Breaking Bad. Granted, Gus is a fictional character, but those writers sure knew what they were writing and Giancarlo Esposito delivered those lines with triumphant conviction.

Fictional meth manufacturing aside, as a woman that is how I view the role of a man: to provide, to grin and bear what he does not like without pitching a fit, and to do what he must to provide for his loved ones and himself.

And why is that the role of the man? Because, he is a man and that is what a man does; period, end of discussion. 

There are no arguments or debating why a man has this lot in life, because for a man to do that would defy the very nature of what a man is as a provider.

A provider does not question his role as a provider; he provides, knowing that that is his role as a man.

A provider does not care what women think of him, nor does he wait for a woman to lead the way; he provides, knowing that that is his role as a man.

A man does not have time to argue, debate, or question his role as a man. 

A man has work to do, and that work is to suck up every annoyance about being a man, including every irritation a woman gives a man, put it aside without complaining, and go provide; because that is what a man does. 

A man provides in spite of that which he must tolerate.

A man does not bitch. A man accepts, or at the very least takes, what he does not like and moves on without bitching about it in front of colleagues, underlings, or women. 

Bitching is for bitches and anyone can be a bitch. It takes a man to stand apart from the bitches.

It is one thing to talk with a partner in private to air grievances, to seek solutions, and then move forward with resolve; it is another thing to whine openly in front of colleagues, underlings, and women, with no intention of resolving an issue. 

There is no bitching in manhood about what goes on in manhood. A man does not bitch about being a man. A man bears up and does what a man does. 

A man provides. 

And if a man isn't providing, is he a man?

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