Q: Can an empowered woman be a housewife?
A: Only if she wants to!
I recently came across a post on Tumblr entitled ’10 Important Points for a Wife’ and it had some good information, albeit vague, but I didn’t agree with everything and found it to be a bit too submissive for my liking.
As an over-40 GenXer who has been programmed with empowering feminism my whole life, not to mention I have a work history that's as long as the lifespan of a young 20-something housewife, I refuse -- refuse! -- to act like an inexperienced and submissive wife who doesn’t think for herself.
Yet, at the same time, I don’t want to be overbearing or overpowering to my husband because that is not being a good partner, which is my ultimate goal as his duly licensed wife; and it’s a challenge that other women may have too if they received the same programming and have become housewives after leaving the feministic workforce where they spent most of their lives.
I Refuse: Goldie Hawn in Overboard
10 Practical Points for an Empowered Wife:
1. Defer to your man’s judgment -- unless you know more about something than he does!
- Even in court you don’t defer to someone who knows less, and I wouldn’t recommend it in a marriage.
- My husband is an expert in areas that I’m a novice in, and vice versa; he respects my areas of expertise and I respect his; therefore, we both defer to each other based on our knowledge, experience, and what is best for what we both want.
- I invite anyone who lives with sun 9 to 12 months a year to go live in Montana where there is six months of winter and try shoveling snow in a skirt or dress; I understand leggings can be worn, but sometimes practicality outranks stereotyped femininity.
- Better than dresses or skirts, ask your husband to buy you perfume in a scent he likes; perfume can be worn in any season and it goes with any clothing, or no clothing at all. I asked my husband to buy me perfume on my last birthday, and every time I wear it, he comments how much he likes it and it always makes me think of him.
- However, if you or he have fragrance sensitivities, it’s probably best to pass on the perfumes and find something else that makes you feel loved by your husband.
- When I was going through court reporting school, the licensing agent from the Washington State Department of Licensing paid us a visit to give us a talk about licensing issues; she was also in charge of overseeing the licensing of spas, and she shared with us some horror stories of what they found in places where women take their feet to be pampered.
- I understand not all places are unhygienic, and I’ve gone to nail salons in the past without problems, but at this point in my life I’ll pass on paying for a pedicure that may give me health issues and I’ll learn to take care of my feet at home, which is better for the household budget anyway.
- I do not ask my husband for permission about anything, nor does he ask me for permission; what we do is discuss anything that impacts the household before we make a final decision; sometimes the discussion turns argumentative when we both feel strongly about something and have different views, but that’s what marriage is about, working it out together to find the best solution.
- For instance, I don’t ask permission to spend money, but I do let him know when I’m thinking of buying something (other than groceries or regular household necessities that are allotted in the monthly budget) because I want to know if it’s good timing or if it should wait, in case there is something else that is needed that I don’t know about, like home renovations or truck repairs since those are his areas of expertise.
- I also like to discuss meal ideas with him to make sure it’s something he wants, because there are so many recipes to look at and my goal is a nutritious recipe but also something he will enjoy and won’t upset his digestion; when I’m not sure if it’s something he would want, I don't ask permission but I ask him what he thinks, and he always gives me good feedback and suggestions.
- After all, the food isn’t just for me, it’s for both of us, and to not consider what he wants is not being a good partner; likewise, he understands what I want when it comes to meal planning -- simple, tasty, and something that doesn’t require 20 ingredients for one recipe, which is not practical for the food budget, nor do I like recipes that require using lots of dishes since I'm the dishwasher.
- I understand and appreciate the kink of being submissive, but there is a time and a place for everything, and some things are best left in the bedroom.
- I am licensed to wife, which means I don’t come second to my husband, and he doesn’t come second to me; I am my husband’s partner and we each have an equal 50/50 share in our union.
- A better question to ask yourself is: What is most beneficial to our household, our partnership, and our budget? Refer to Number 4 above if you are unsure of the answer.
- Respect his time: don’t keep him waiting for you because you think primping and preening is more important than leaving on time;
- don’t send him more texts in a day than are necessary (which wastes money too);
- and don’t demand to spend all his free time with him if he wants to do his own thing without you (i.e., read, surf the web, workout, etc.)
- Respect his space: don’t overrun closets and drawers with excessive amounts of your clothing so that he has no space for his own things.
- Respect his place as the most important man in your life: don’t ignore him for the sake of chatting online (or bitching about him) with friends, family, or strangers who don’t need to know your personal business.
- Respect the money he works hard to bring home: don’t create debt by wasting money on clothes/makeup/pampering/costly coffees/trendy frivolities/etc., especially if you are always broke before the month ends;
- all the money that comes into a household is for the betterment of everyone in the household and not just for the wife's enjoyment!
- A husband is your partner, not your competitor.
- However, when not recovering from surgery or in pain, the more laughter there is in a home, the better.
- Don’t expect him to improve if you aren’t improving yourself too.
- As a wife you are most valuable to your husband when you do useful things that make both of your lives better; be helpful by taking care of him and the home that you share together.
- If kids or pets are involved, take care of them too;
- and definitely take care of the money that you share so that it is not carelessly spent on valueless purchases!
Thank you for reading!
Find more of my stuff on my JenExxifer Tumblr blog
What do you think about the role of a wife in the 21st Century? Please leave questions and feedback in the comment section below