I lost my little girl this last weekend.
My little sweet pea of a cat, Dink, will be forever loved and missed.
Our unorthodox family unit has lost a deeply loved member.
The pain caused by the holes inside our hearts that she occupied for almost eight years is excruciating at times.
Without our little girl, it feels as though have gone from a furry family of four to two people with a cat.
Gozer lost his little sister and playmate.
He saw Dink one final time, but when he goes outside now he seems to be watching, looking for her; waiting for her to come out of the woods on one of her Dinky trails, or seeing her as she goes Dinking down the driveway, or suddenly appearing from behind a bush as she Dinks around the yard, the way she always would.
It is heartbreaking to watch Gozer as his mannerisms are not as playful as they were a few days ago; I suspect he is dealing with this event in his own Gozer way.
Whether I was weeding in the yard or walking through the daisies, Dink was a constant companion, always following a few feet behind.
Weeding and walking the property has been much harder these past few days without my baby girl nearby.
I turn my head to look for her when I walk, because I see her everywhere, in all the places she would be, but all that remains is her spirit.
The first day was the hardest to get out of bed, knowing that Dink would not be waiting to greet me with her sweet 'mew'.
To make myself feel better I got up, put my outdoor boots on and strolled through the daisies with the intent of making a bouquet for Dink.
I walked the property, in search of flowers and foliage for a bouquet to lay at the scene of the tragic event that caused Dink to be taken from us.
As I walked the grounds, I would talk/cry to Dink aloud, the way I always would when she was around; how I missed her and loved her; how I wanted to see her, to hold her, to love her, just one last time.
Talking aloud to Dink like this offers me a release of emotions that cannot be released on anyone else except her; it is a great comfort to talk with her spirit as I like to think it will forever linger around this land to be with us.
Grieving is natural and to not grieve, I believe, would be a sign of sociopathy; as sad as all this is, I openly embrace my grief as a growing experience that is part of life.
Each morning when I get up I take a walk around the property, greeting Dink's spirit with words of love; looking behind me to talk to her, knowing her spirit is trailing me just as she would when I walked; and spying signs of life that serve to remind me that it does go on even after a great loss.
At the end of the walk I make my way to her marker and kneel down to talk with her; today seemed easier as I continue to make myself face life's harshness of Dink not being present when I walk; the repetition helps to ease the pain even though it never leaves me.
This morning during my walk, I gathered more daisies from the field along with bloomed lavender for fresh bouquets inside the house; reminders of life and summer indoors is helpful during this sorrowful time.
I made my work station in the front entryway, where Dink would wander through during her morning adventures, sometimes showing up in the backgrounds of my photos.
But no Dink in the photos today or ever again; something I have to adjust to.
The first night of Dink's passing we set a candle in the window along with her picture and have been lighting the candle every night.
Today I added fresh daisies for my little Dink.
We have been told before that we treat our cats better than some people treat their kids; cats are gods and we worship ours accordingly.
In spite of Gozer's searching for Dink when outside, he is eating and drinking, and continues to get lots of love, attention and affection.
That is one thing that helps to get me through, knowing how much love we gave to Dink and that she knew she was loved up until the very end.
I often would pick her up just to hold her close for a moment, telling her I love her so much and that she is the best Dink ever, quickly before she would squirm away letting me know she had had enough love for the moment.
She was my bold little adventurer, always ready to go before I was ready to let her go.
While there is much sadness being dealt with, we know that we have lots of love to give, along with lots of room for more animals.
There will never be another Dink and she could never be replaced, but this Dink-sized hole we are living with must be filled with life again when we are ready.
Until then we will continue to take it one day at a time, honoring and remembering Dink, and learning to live with her spirit surrounding us in a new dimension while she Dinks around in her field, waiting for us to join her at Rainbow Bridge.
Godspeed ~ RIP Dink
6/29/07 - 6/20/15
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